Dear Jason (Dave?),

You’ve made some interesting statements in your response to my article. My answer:

1) If you had read my books to men and women, you would discover that I address the same issues you raise and side with many of them. This one article is intended only to address one small portion of a huge picture and if you can get past the words “emotional” and “women” you will discover some complimentary statements about men.

2) If all men were as wonderful as you say (and as wonderful as you??), my books would never have had to be written. They aren’t. Some men are emotionally stable – many are not – although I give credit to them for being emotional rocks far more than you are giving credit to me for what I say. You just haven’t read all my material. I can’t possibly paint an entire picture in one article that is intended to awaken interest so a man and a woman can go further into the meat of the real issues.

3) If all women were as terrible as you insist, I’d say you’ve had experience with only a miniscule percentage of the female population or you’ve been taken in by the asinine picture that Hollywood paints. The majority aren’t. I address those women that are a problem in various ways in my books to them.

4) American men have other men throughout the world beat as far as being good husbands is concerned, but among them, most still don’t understand what is behind the “bitchiness” that some women exhibit. However, ill behaved women have a number of issues – emotional needs is only one of them and it is worsened if they were abused as girls or abused now. Some of what they experience are spiritual issues – and some issues even come from demonic influence. That’s true of men with whom I’ve dealt, as well.

5) Aside from the really difficult women, most men have little conception of how hopeless and crushed many women feel. So the men reach sweeping conclusions, as you have done. Some men feel hopeless and crushed, as well. I’m fully aware of that – another issue I address in various ways.

And yes, because women are constructed differently, those in the free world, where they aren’t enslaved, do express themselves – far too much in some cases. Yet, many keep it all in and suffer, just as some men do. It doesn’t appear as if you have that problem.

6) Jesus wept because the human race has, essentially, turned away from or denied God, as we see throughout Scripture where God expresses His feelings toward His wayward children. It was evidenced by the way they lived then as now; and that includes the way they treat their spouses. He elevated women from a degrading status that was common in those days – and is common in some cultures today. For the first time, women felt as if they were of some worth.

Some women are still treated, even in free societies, as inferiors because of their gender. You say, “we are the nobler sex,” speaking of men .Oh, really? I suppose that would depend on the definition of nobler and the individual of whom we are speaking.

7) The Scriptures back up everything I’ve said – and if you will set aside your anger and prejudices long enough to read at least one of my books to men, you will find out for yourself what God has stated – truths that men have overlooked for centuries because, in reading the Bible, they maximize the Scriptures that speak to their own desires – and ignore or minimize those that make them feel uncomfortable (or angry). God has the right to say what the human race should and should not do. I’ll take His word for it any day over that of a man – or woman.
The human race is at odds with God and what He has instructed

9) We humans are of different temperaments and our brains are constructed differently. There are wonderful ways to work with that as husbands and wives – on both sides – so that they are a team – rather than at odds with one another. That’s powerful.

10) Men have an ability – a God given power – and instruction from God – to make things right. That’s because they are the stronger sex and, even though feminists would fight me on this, women are the weaker sex. I back all that up with Scripture in my books. Once men act as God has instructed, most women will fall into place and be the kind of wives that God instructed them to be (I said “most”)

God put the responsibility on the men – but despite your defense of them as an entirety, they aren’t doing it God’s way in most instances. And women, even though they don’t recognize that as the reason for their discontent, resent what’s happening in their relationships and react in the wrong way. Argue with God on that issue – not with me.

11) It appears – mind you, I said “appears” as if you have been treated badly by women in your life – OR you haven’t been able to control them as you wish – OR you are an angry man who can’t see why women shouldn’t be considered as second class citizens to the “nobler” class – OR you have had relationships with the wrong type of women or observed other men in that position – OR you’ve been taught by someone that women are to be treated badly because they are bad. OR – well, we could go on with this, couldn’t we?

12) Despite what seems to be your anger and despite your sweeping statements – that don’t show as much emotional control as you insist all men have – you seem to be an intelligent man. That does point to the idea that it would be wise for you to look at the entire picture of what I am saying before you condemn a small portion of it….and women in general.

Sincerely,

Margaret Hardisty

American men are more empathetic and care more about their partners than women do. And we do so in the MOST GENUINE WAY – by not shoving it in the other person’s face and by not going on and on about how empathetic we are being. In the same way in which the teenage boy who is always talking about sex is actually the least likely to be having any, the woman who is constantly seeking “emotional” attention from her partner does so for selfish reasons and deep down exhibits far less caring for the other partner, the male. We men are emotionally stable and that is a WONDERFUL thing! We men always feel genuinely bad for our women whenever they are sad, crying or otherwise off. We sit there in pain for her and wish we could make her feel better, make her feel normal like we do, make her realise that her reactions do not have to be so extreme, and here’s the reason why…But, in the end, we are far more accepting of our women’s actual faults than they are about our perceived “faults” and yet WE are the ill-mannered monsters and unfeeling brutes. It’s truly not to be believed. We tuck in our loved ones without advertising it to our partner. We don’t fawn all over our sons (despite saying ‘ouch’ in our heads and feeling bad for the little bugger) when they fall down because we are also males and we know that they will forget about the pain in a minute if we let them get on with it instead of exacerbating the situation and psychologically inducing pain through over-attention, the way the mother reacts. And that makes us unfeeling and the woman more sensitive ?!? A better parent ?!? The same principles apply here; the fact that we internalise our emotions and process our sensitivity and empathy differently (i.e. not broadcasting for the world to know about and praise us for) only serves to make us more genuine and truly amazing regal stoic creatures…

You don’t see Jesus having all types of emotional upheavals in the Bible. You see him DOING, getting on with it and PERFORMING miracles without intentionally seeking attention. Would anyone say Jesus wasn’t empathetic? And yet, did he prattle on endlessly about his emotions and women’s emotions with them or did he SHOW them his love and care. Why is the scripture “Jesus wept” so well-known?? Perhaps because he did not cry all the time ?!? Perhaps because he only overtly showed external displays which would invariably induce pain in his followers when absolutely necessary or when he was so overcome that he couldn’t help but weep. For us men, not sharing our pain is an instinctive display of how much we care – of how we value the other’s happiness over our own and would rather suffer alone than cause another to suffer alongside us! And you call US emotionally stunted ?!? The nerve!!!

Because we as men only experience such emotions when they are truly important and hurt us deeply, we assume that women do the same and so we are always suffering along right alongside them, even when it turns out they are crying because of the ending of some Hollywood chick flic!?! And this is especially with Anglo-women; it’s RIDICULOUS!!!

WE are ones who quietly and silently grieve without publishing it for the entire world, without advertising how sensitive we are; that would cheapen and nullify the intrinsic value of our empathy. When we put our arm around our woman, it is an instinctive reaction which speaks volumes in itself; we are feeling your pain in that instant and it is simply unfair to continue denying that we are the nobler sex, for we behave thus with no expectation of reward or recognition. That is just who we are and we always want what’s best for our women; we would just prefer that she not be so freakin’ moody all the time, in constant emotional flux. And we needn’t hear any more excuses as far as why you are that way. We don’t advertise our sadness all the time out of respect for our partner; we don’t like to always make them share our pain; WE are more empathetic. Women do the reverse, constantly seeking to share her emotional turmoil, bring her man down and ruin his day. And then she wants to be loud about it and shout that SHE is so much more empathetic because she is louder and more vocal about being empathetic. The whole charade has gone on for far too long and I hope my American brothers WAKE UP soon!!!

Why should WE MEN suffer and adapt just because we are more emotionally stable and level-headed?!? That sounds profoundly ridiculous. If you had a couple where one was bi-polar and the other exhibited no symptoms of illness, would you encourage the partner without illness to get more ill so they could relate better to the other partner, or would you instead do your best to get the bi-polar partner’s illness under control, exhibiting the illness-free partner as a baseline goal?!?